Lack of blood: Domestic violence, my invisible wounds
Isabelle Magnan, this is not his real name. But whatever. The author of « lack of blood » (Editions de la Martinière) shared his life for more than fifteen years between animation writing workshops and writing itself. She has produced documentaries for France Culture. Under his real name, she signed many fictions. However, in this book evidence available today, it’s all true, except the names.
His story, written in first person, is poignant. The woman tells of letters with strength and details her ordeal, mistakes and fears, too. It meets the « three questions » FP.
How did you find the strength to write your own story?
I had to wait years before being able to get into the writing of this book. I tried several literary forms before finally choosing the testimony because it seemed to me that fiction could take me to take distance with the facts. Furthermore, the writer Annie Ernaux who followed my work made me realize and feel that I could never get closer to the story than through autobiography. I was very scared, giving me. Fear of reliving the events by writing, for fear of being recognized after. I actually had to go to many osteopaths during writing. Stomach aches, back pain, breathless All suffering is reassembled. But I stood my ground. Because I meant to say absolutely.
All these « invisible wounds » that you have had, which was the most painful for you?
The hardest part was to live in constant fear of attracting me cries for reasons I did not. I always feel bad, no. Especially after the psychiatrist had called me a phallic woman. That was the hardest part: the change of identity that was gradually in me without my knowledge. I do not know who I was, what I had to do to not displease my husband. I lost myself, I became a person tied up in fear of hurt, harm. This is a paradox because it was my husband who did me wrong. But the perversion of psychological violence, and perhaps physical violence, is this: it seems to be bad. To answer more specifically, the worst was the constant insults that diminished me constantly and that I finally.
What advice would you give to women victims of domestic violence?
My advice is obviously to deny spousal violence. It should complain. Always. But one must know how to do, and for that, we must be armed. Me, apart from the difficulties to recognize my « invisible wounds, » I made a lot of mistakes out of ignorance of the law. It is justice to help us see clearly. Would require a specific framework be created for domestic violence, including psychological. The police should be able to work with associations. And that these associations should have more resources. I still remember the appointments I have had in these associations later. The unfortunate psychologist received the women in the middle of the kitchen, for lack of specific location.
So, yes, a thousand times yes, we need women to go to complain! But they must know that this complaint will be the beginning of a long road, it is far from rosy. However, given the fragility in which every woman is abused, she can not move forward on that path without support. My book tries to show what pitfalls to be expected. So I hope that they can avoid them. It is my dearest wish. I wish that no other woman can not complain and lose. Because when you lose this kind of judgment, justice allows an abuser to legitimize violence, hence the repeat with impunity.
By Claire Renée Mendy.